Grieving the loss of a loved one is a difficult situation. It’s especially heartbreaking when you never got the chance to meet them.
Miscarriages are both emotionally and physically challenging to comprehend, grieve, and accept, so it’s important to allow yourself proper time to heal.
Five Stage of Grief
It’s normal to feel a variety of different emotions when coping with a miscarriage. You may feel sadness, anger, or fear, and find yourself withdrawing from social events, crying, having a loss of appetite, or not sleeping well.
You may experience the emotions in the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief. Despite the grieving myth that it has to occur in these stages, you may not experience all of these stages or in this specific order. Everyone deals with grief in their own way, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
- Denial: You may not want to accept that this has happened to you. You were planning for the birth of your baby, so it’s hard to believe otherwise.
- Anger: You may feel angry that your baby was taken away from you, or that the doctors didn’t do enough.
- Bargaining: You may plead to reverse what has happened by asking “What if?”
- Depression: You may feel deep sorrow for your loss, along with other symptoms of depression like hopelessness, fatigue, loss of interest, or difficulty sleeping.
- Acceptance: You accept that you cannot change what has happened and try to move forward. Acceptance of what has happened is necessary for healthy healing.
Miscarriage Grief Support
Remember, you’re not alone. Your partner is dealing with the loss too. It’s important to keep the conversation open and share your feelings rather than keep them built up inside.
Family and close friends are there to help you through this difficult time as well. If someone you know has had a miscarriage, you can help them grieve by delivering a meal or writing them a note.
If you’re religious, you may find comfort in talking to your priest or another spiritual leader. Joining a support group or attending an educational seminar may help you grieve as well. For the first year or so, you can create a memorial tradition such as eating a special dinner or planting a tree or flowers.
If your grief symptoms last a while and affect your ability to function in daily life, you should seek professional help in coping with your loss. It is okay to grieve and be upset, but when it starts to disrupt other areas of your life or your health, it can be unhealthy.
Getting Pregnant After Miscarriage
Just because this happened to you doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t get pregnant again. Depending on your situation, you may want to wait several months before trying to become pregnant in order to emotionally and physically heal, but it’s okay to try again when you are ready.
Check out the inspiring story of Jessica Mahoney who became pregnant with her second child after six miscarriages. She had a rainbow-themed maternity photo shoot in honor of all of them.
It’s also okay to decide not to try again. If you’ve lost a child, your journey is your own and you should decide what is best for you and your partner, not anyone else.